How often do I sit around pointing the finger at some one else. He has the problem, she needs to get better, they aren’t very kind..blah blah blah. The blame game goes on and on. And well…sometimes I am right…some may say justified in those thoughts. Yeah, but then I opened that book. That book that gets me every time. Yeah…I opened my Bible.That finger I was pointing at the world…it totally turned around and looked me square in the face. The thing it told me loud and clear: I’m a harlot.
My heart is not loyal to my Jesus. My heart wanders and gives itself away constantly. I am like the dog returning to its vomit. I pursue me and my desires hoping these temporary moments will satisfying a heart yearning for eternity.
I don’t say this in a shaming way…because what I realized in that moment…that moment of realized harlotry, is how I can only fully understand the beautiful grace of Jesus to the depth in which I realize my own ugliness.
It is in the meeting of my ugly harlotry with his beautiful grace that I am freed. When I am swallowed up by his grace, I can do nothing but be embraced as his bride. Harlot to bride.
When I came face to face with my own humanity…my own depravity, I wrote this poem (inspired by Hosea 1-4):
I’ve been playing the harlot.
I’ve been playing the Jezebel.
I have made myself a queen of my domain,
I have crowned myself with glory.
For you are standing there
A broken chain in one hand,
My debt in another.
You have paid what I owe to the prince of this world.
Yet my eyes wander,
My heart enslaves again.
Oh, how I play the harlot so well.
Oh, how I bend to the next best offer.
I seek the counsel of my captors,
Wisdom from my lies and pride.
I have found death in this valley,
Yet I keep eating like it’s a feast.
I play the harlot well.
I dance in my iniquity.
Yet, you stand there broken chain in hand,
debt paid that I owe.
Don’t leave me to my isolation
Don’t leave me to my wandering.
Bind my heart to Thee.
From slave to bride.
Betroth me to you forever.
Betroth me in your righteousness and justice.
Betroth me in your loving kindness.
Betroth me in your faithfulness that I may know you Oh Lord.
No longer my person,
But your people.
No longer their harlot,
But your bride.
Click here to read the actual verses.
Wedding photo taken by Stacy Salvatori Photography.