You ever notice how quiet it is when you are in pain? Maybe there is yelling and crying…and yet there is also that numbing silence that envelops. It’s like hearing through a wind tunnel. It is that bad dream..you know the one where you are screaming but there is no sound.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I imagine I am a walking billboard when I am in pain. Like the whole world can see how depraved and upset I am. That all my crap is sitting on the front lawn with a “free” sign. Ugh and everyone gives you that pity look. Oh, anyone who has been in pain and interacted with another human being has to know that look. Slight pouty lip, the head tilted slightly forward (almost making a double chin) and the slight sigh before the phrase “I’m so sorry.” It’s no one’s fault that this is their default face when witnessing another’s free-sale on the lawn. “It is what it is” as my friend Lindsay would say.
So what to do with the deafening pain?
I recently read an Upworthy article that was shared with me. It said “Some things in life cannot be fixed, they can only be carried.” Read article here Losing someone you love, can’t be changed. Saying goodbye can’t be undone. Feeling echos of the pain you’re experiencing may never stop haunting the soul. And, that’s okay. The deafening pain…it’s also okay. Because, it is okay to not be whole. It is okay to be in pain. We are made of good and bad, broken and whole. We are made up of what should have been and what actually is.
The silence will lessen. The singing will start again. We won’t always feel like free lawn furniture. The scars will be carried. The road may be long. But I bet when we look side to side…there are so many on the road with us. Others just trying to find their way through the pain. Others carrying the marks of life…a life truly lived.
Because really…that’s the part we all have in common. We are experiencing pain because we are alive…because we live. Let’s find others who are equally alive, unfixable, beautifully broken, and willing to walk with us down the hard road of life. At least then it will be bearable.